Back for some more!

Yo people! what is up with Rihanna? um..excuse me miss but, didn’t you just get yo ass whooped!

You could’nt even let your face heal first!?  You just let the blood dry and said  “Fuck it!” I want you back!

Maybe you have healing powers like wolverine in the Xmen. i dont know… I have a feeling these 2 dummies might reenact the fight in a music video!

 I actually feel sorry for Rihanna because she is probably so in love with Chris Brown that she thinks he will someday stop clocking her ass.

Once a man hits a woman, he’s either done it before or he’s gonna hit  again!  All I got to say is Rihanna needs to sit her no singing ass down somewhere and think about whats she is doing!

What a damn shame! Okay, Rihanna, do me this favor, if Chris hits you again…

PUT THAT FOREHEAD TO USE!!

Disturbia.

Who’s afraid of Terrell Owens?

Can you believe that the great  Terrell Owens got cut from the Dallas Cowboys?

Hell yeah we can believe it!  Every team this dude has been on , he has caused chaos!

When he first came into the league, i was kinda of impressed by his crazy antics in the endzone when he would score  touchdowns. 

I thought that he kinda brought some edge that the NFL  needed every once in a while. I was like  “This guy is gonna have at least 20r 3  SuperBowl rings by the time he’s through!”

NOT SO!  He better hope that he at least gets some TELEPHONE rings from another team that wants to pick him up!

What’s really crazy is that 15 teams have already stated that they don’t want anything to do with him!

What is he gonna do? Remember when Terrell cried like a little BIATCH for Tony Romo when he was being criticized?

Well, where the Fuck is Mr.Romo?  He owes Terrrell a cry dammit!!  waAAAAAAAh,waaaaah!waaaaaaaah! “That’s my wide reciever you’re taking from me!”

Mother Nature keeping us in check!

Just when february is finally over and you think to yourself  “Hey!  March is here!” that means that stupid groundhog might be right!

Well it’s a groundhog in some places but in NY its a fuckin subway rat! AAAAAAH!

Anyway, where was I?…Oh yeah, so you’re thinking Spring is right around the corner.

No more wearing big ass heavy boots!

No more wearing those hot ass wool skullcaps!

No more wearing those big ass drug dealer coats!

Then…BAM!!

A FUCKIN  BLIZZARD!!!  New york style!

Mother nature is making sure that we stay in check and letting us know who the boss is!!

Ah… What happened to that global warming bullshit?!

I Can’t Believe I’m Posting This

They say that sex originated from prehistoric fish. That’s pretty cool, I guess. I guess I can be kind of psychoanalytical because isn’t it true that when women have dreams of fish they’re pregnant? I don’t know but……

Isn’t it true too that when women don’t wash well they smell like fish? I don’t know……..

But isn’t it true that if your girlfriend’s acting funny you say, “hmmm, something fishy is going on here…”

Well talk about a dinosaur bone……. ( I know it’s corny but I had to go there)

What about when a guy has a lot of girls and says “I’m just swimming in pussy!”

Oh, isn’t it true that when a girl is really excited, she’s all wet?

How easy is fish sex? You never have to worry about them being dry.

This was corny but I had to go there.

Japan’s Poverty God. I’m Serious.

Hey! Can you believe it? Japan has a poverty god. The one thing I love about Japan and, let’s just say, the one thing I love about Asians is that they always have a way to release tension, you know, whether it’s through meditation, martial arts………

But now they’ve really done it. They have a POVERTY GOD.

Four hours outside of Tokyo, there’s a punching bag that looks like a gnarled old man and people come from all over to punch on this bag. Japan is really feeling this recession too. So they get to go to this poverty god and beat the shit out of it.

How awesome is that?

Now that’s the kind of relief the United States needs. What’s really amazing about it is that it was created by a banker 7 years ago who got laid off. But instead of killing himself, taking a sword and performing hari kari, he decides to make a punching bag. And that is cool.

Domo Origato (Mr. Robato!)

I hope that America will follow Japan. Other than the dumb guys at GM, I hope some bankers ( I know there are a couple of them that are laid off), maybe Citigroup, can get together and get a dummy in the middle of New York City, maybe Times Square, and everyone from around the country can come and punch on our own Poverty God. And Guess who’s face is going to be on it?

George W!

9.6 Billion? GM? WHAT? DAMN!

How the hell did this happen? I’ll tell you how it happened, GREEDY, OUT  OF TOUCH, OLD WHITE MEN that don’t want to listen!!

You see what happens when you fuck with Japan!  In all this recession crap that’s going on, Japan is doing  just fine  fine with the hybdrids man!!

When petro (excuse the 70′s term) was 4 dollars a gallon, WHAT THE HELL WAS GM DOING STILL SELLING  TRUCKS, RV’S,TANKS,BUSES,SUBMARINES AND ALL TERRAIN VEHICLES…

Oh yeah, OCEANLINERS,AIRPLANES…

Barackin’ it!!

I know I’m a little  late on this one, but did you see Obama’s speech to congress?  Since he plays basketball I would say that was a 360 slam dunk!

People,  I need you to understand that Obama is only getting better as the days go on.  He’s been prepared for this shit for a a long time!

Those old cronies in congress can’t handle a speech that has political rhythm and soul! He’s like  Sydney Poitier in the movie

 

“They call me MR. Tibbs!”

Because I’m an Attention Whore…….

Time for some shameless self-promotion:

So I was on the CW this morning with Chuck Nice discussing the Oscars…… you had to be there.

Buy my Godspeed DVD! It’s at Best Buy, BarnesandNoble.com, Amazon.com and on iTunes. Just google it or something, but BUY IT!

I’ll be on 30 Rock coming up in March.

And…….

I’m at the Comedy Cellar every night when I’m in NY and at the Laugh Factory when I’m in LA. See you there!

Queen Latifah Killed It!

See? There’s someone else who can sing at the Oscars. Why not have HER perform every year? Beyonce is NOT classier than her. Don’t even try it, ACADEMY. Dana Owens is a classy chick. Period.

• AND she sang live. Beyonce didn’t.
• She covered up (very nice dress). Beyonce looked like a clown.
• She can act. Beyonce can’t.

Can someone please tell me how Beyonce > the QUEEN?

If you sit me down and explain it to me I swear I won’t say another word.

So Why was Heidi Klum at the Oscars?

She doesn’t act, so not even remotely up for an award.

She doesn’t sing, so there goes the musical guest spot.

And yet, she’s at the Oscars every year.

Hmmmm……..

Are they afreaid of Seal? He looks like he could beat the shit out of anyone who didn’t invite Heidi.

Side note: also not sure why she wears yet another incarnation of the same red dress every year. Just saying……..